Just stay put?

There are opportunities arising lately that I am considering, but if I really listen to my inner voice closely, I think it is telling me just to stay put.

When all that business with my colleague was going on, a couple of people said to me things along the lines of ‘we don’t want to lose you’. Ironically, I hadn’t thought of looking for work elsewhere until they had said this.

I found a position advertised that I think I probably wouldn’t get, but on the other hand, I seem to have become somewhat optimistic since quitting the wine. So I thought I would give it a go. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

So I started to update my CV. I’m sure with a bit of effort I could finish it and it would look pretty good. But something is telling me I haven’t got enough to shout about yet. My work here (in my current job) is not done. The place is in turmoil – we are probably going to be taken over, my manager has handed his notice in, and my colleague has applied for a job in another department. So it would seem a good time to jump ship if I were that way inclined. But the fact is, I have created goals and I want to see them through. Stay put.

Another, more realistic and potentially brilliant opportunity crossed my path. The chance to attend a course on CSI forensic science at the National Science Learning Centre. It would be so great to go, but… two days in November and two days in March can only mean one thing – the dreaded ‘gap task’ will have to be completed back at school in the intervening months.

What’s the problem? Well, I was thoroughly disappointed with my efforts for the last course I attended. My gap task was utter rubbish. And this course is intended mainly for teachers, so I feel I would be out of my depth even to begin with. I did ask one of the teachers if he would help me with the classroom side of things for a potential gap task and he did say yes. But. We are so low on hours in my role that asking for so much more work – which is essentially what the outcome of this course is likely to be – is probably not a wise move.

It is unfortunate, and I am disappointed, but I really do feel that I should not be biting off more than I can chew at the moment.

I want to get myself ‘up and running’ properly if that makes any sense. Build on this sober momentum carefully, gradually, with progress that can be sustained. Not rush out and do anything and everything that presents itself as an option without considering the consequences.

One small point…Will I know the difference between this feeling – cautious, optimistic, gradual change for the better – and actual resistance to change? Someone – who I just disagree with as a person entirely, but that’s another story – once told me I was ‘very resistant to change’. I think it is a tendency in all of us to a certain extent but for some reason I took it very personally as a failing and can still hear it being said now.

Day 65 – I will be sober in October 😀


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