only when I dream

I’ve just read ‘What’s the point?’ on A Woman Without Wine’s blog. I started to comment on it then realised I had quite a bit to say, so….

I’m on day 68, and reading the Jason Vale book at the moment. While I do agree with his views to an extent, I don’t see much evidence (I will admit that I haven’t looked very hard!) that normal drinkers are in any kind of ‘trap’ of alcohol addiction.

In my bizarre quest for recognition (what IS that all about?) over the last few days, I occasionally tell them my day count. They look at me quizzically. Oh right. Why are you counting days? Why are you not drinking?….So what’s the big deal? They do not justify their own consumption, or come out with a barrage of questions. Just very sort of disinterested really.

And I myself don’t feel massively compelled to drink. I feel good, don’t get me wrong, and I think it’s a good idea to complete the 100 day challenge at least. But I don’t have boundless energy, or masses of extra time. Problems are still problems, and it feels like a while since I’ve had a pink cloud moment.

Those half hearted ‘why have you quit’ questions actually make me think to myself, ‘what IS the point?’ Do I feel any different? I really feel like the answer is ‘not that much’ but perhaps I am fooling myself???

I haven’t got round to quitting sugar yet but I do want to drastically improve my diet – I need more energy and I don’t feel my body is very healthy yet despite quitting the booze. But I am a bit worried that either I won’t be successful at changing my diet, or even if I manage to do it, I still won’t feel any better.

It’s only when I dream about drinking that I panic. A couple of accidental sips because I ‘forgot’ my commitment to 100 days, and in my dream I am devastated – having lost my 60-odd days I am an utter failure and can never forgive myself.

I really would love some pink clouds at some point…


3 thoughts on “only when I dream”

  1. I’ll tell you something that, if anybody would tell it to me, I might not believe it, but it worked for me. I am fan of books of experts because the save me a lot of time figuring out what to do. In that way they are actually very cheap. And when Jason Vale says; be happy that you quit – I am happy that I quit. It works out that being happy is actually a very powerfull antidote to being unhappy. That is the stupid part. But it works. I think I have been depressing myself with ‘I am stupid this, I am stupid that, I’ve got no right to be happy or live at all’ but if letting go of this negativity is what it takes to make me feel better and not jump of a building, then I’ll do it. I tried, it works for me. And I have a tendency to add 10.001 disclaimers, but actually I don’t want to go down that road. Alcohol is a depressant, and that part of it worked in me big time. Ok, 1 disclaimer: I know I’ve got stuff to work out, it’s not only ‘that easy’ as ‘just be happy’ but also, parts of it is ‘that easy’.

    On people that drink ‘normal’. I agree with this stuf on ‘moderating means that the stuff already has you in its grasp’. That is obvious. I am also aware that people can drink very normal on social occasions and drink liters in informal situations or on their own. Hell, I did that! I used to be a consultant and ended up being friends with a lot of the people I worked for. It showed me that peoples professional drinking behaviour is so different from their social behaviour and social with collegues and neighbours is again very different from social with lifetime buddies. Seeing how strong alcohol is I do agree with his: give alcohol time and opportunity (divorce, illness, death of a close friend) and most people will get more and more addicted. In other words: alcohol is very strong, society has a strange view on alcohol, don’t blame yourself if you got into the trap, but do mend it. Alcohol is a physical disease with physical, mental and spiritual consequences.

    On sugar: please do quit. I found/find it harder than quitting booze but reading what I have in Seven weeks to sobriety it is of the utmost importance to quit taking any refined sugar and for the start also no raisins and sweet fruits. Sugar, caffeine and smoking cause relapse in people that are or have been addicted to alcohol because these chemicals have effect on the blood sugar levels and those create cravings. Sugar is as addictive as heroine. Quitting cold turkey takes 1 to 2 weeks but you will most likely feel way better after that. I’d advise to buy a book on the subject ;-). Seven weeks to sobriety actually has a recipe for nutrients to take to make it easier to quit sugar. So that is cool.

    Also, adding extra nutrients to a diet can help tremendously with not feeling ‘over the moon’ yet. Big parts of peoples moods are influenced by (a lack of) nutrients. Alcohol robs the body of a lot of its potential to heal itself unfortunately and our current diet can not ‘just’ make up for that. 😦

    Hope you got through to the end. 🙂 Hope it is of value to you. I’m gonna do a post on long posts and replies on of these days, sort it out. :-/


  2. Thanks feeling, I know you’re right. It’s probably all those nutrients I’m lacking that’s making me feel this way. I will stick with the Jason Vale book, and hope that the Seven Weeks arrives soon… I’ll have to get a Kindle so I can get my hands on these things instantly!!
    Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it 🙂


  3. You are doing a great job. It takes a long time for your body to recover from years of abuse. Give it time.

    I’m going to caution against quitting sugar. Everyone is different, but creating other restrictions in your life when trying to change an addictive behaviour can be a dangerous thing. Sugar is a controversial subject and there is a book to support or discredit almost any food group.

    For now, focusing on self care and being kind to yourself will pay dividends. Look to people with long term sobriety for advice. There are lots of good bloggers out there!

    Ask yourself, how has life improved in e past 68 days? Would a glass of wine be worth losing those things?

    Have a great weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

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