My Subconscious wants to save me

Last night I dreamt l drank again. Not just a few sips this time, but two nights in a row of excessive alcohol consumption.

In the dream, I was away for the weekend with some people from work,  and others who I don’t know in waking life but I did in this scenario. You know how things are in dreams.

I not only felt terrible physically, the feelings of regret and shame were off the scale. I had caused problems for myself and other people. I had upset people and made them angry.

I remember thinking back to the one glass of wine that started it all. It seemed so natural and normal to drink this inoffensive little glass. But really it was like opening Pandora’s Box, and within hours, I’d ruined everything I’ve tried to do since I quit.

The absolute worst part of it all was the endless amount of time I seemed to spend in a half awake, half asleep state, asking myself, ‘Did that actually happen?’. I really thought I might wake up to find it was actually real!!!

Luckily, thankfully, it was only a dream. A scary one, but not real.

I will now stop moaning about wanting pink clouds, and complaining about my (temporarily) perceived lack of benefits to sobriety, and just bloody get on with it.

After the wake up call I’ve just had (see what I did there 😉 ), being sober is definitely the future!


4 thoughts on “My Subconscious wants to save me”

  1. I’m glad they were just dreams. I have them too sometimes. The feelings of recourse and guilt are so heavy. I don’t miss that at all.

    The lick cloud will come back. It’s like the blue sky. It’s always there, just sometime obscured by clouds. Once you realize that you will see that happiness and joy are in you to access any time.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have had the same dreams so many times, you’re right the guilt in those dreams is so vivid, like you I wake not knowing if it was real or not, but still feeling that immense guilt that this amazing journey is all over and it will be back to day one.

    Thankfully these are only dreams, but the pain of guilt within them, make me more determined that they will not become reality.


    Liked by 1 person

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