Sober plateau?

On Saturday night I went out for a meal with my husband and good friends of ours. Beforehand I was still anxious about not being committed to a ‘challenge’, as I haven’t signed up for 180 days yet. I thought I might have been in danger of drinking.

But it was an unfounded fear, because I didn’t suddenly want wine – even when we went to the pub whilst waiting for our table. What I did find really difficult, as we were standing at the bar, was having to explain myself because I asked for a coke. AGAIN.

It may have been my own fault, for relying too heavily on the ‘100 day challenge’ explanation originally. (What IS that all about? I obviously have great difficulty telling anyone, including myself, that I just don’t drink!!).

It was mainly the woman of the couple we were out with, who was asking me why I wasn’t drinking. And she told me again that she doesn’t drink through the week. We were going over old ground, really.

Much later, after the meal, we went to another pub. Another of our friends saw that I was drinking coke and said ‘so you won’t be falling over tonight then?’ and I said nope, I was on coke, and she said ‘Oh how boring!’. She’d had a few herself, though so I don’t think she was actually trying to tell me I was boring, it was probably just because I clearly wouldn’t be joining in all the drunken fun.

Being out with all those people drinking was strange. Not because I wanted to drink, in the end, but because I didn’t see the appeal of it all. I couldn’t make myself heard over the music, so trying to have a conversation was a bit pointless. I just felt really out on a limb, to be honest.

The next day, I was wiped out. I felt low because it’s the wrong time of the month, which led to me brooding over the previous night. I didn’t feel very much connection – apart from in the restaurant maybe – with anyone. I’m feeling a bit lonely in my sober journey. I want to find my people. I have two, maybe three friends with whom I can talk about this kind of thing completely honestly, but I hardly ever see them. I guess there’s my answer – I need to create more connection with them.

I do feel good sober, but I’m also feeling a bit flat. If I was on a diet, this would be a ‘plateau’!

There are some social situations I don’t really want to be part of anymore, and I want to replace those with ones that resonate more with me. How to do that? This is all new, lonely, and a bit scary…. :/


6 thoughts on “Sober plateau?”

  1. you lovely thing you! I hear you, and you are doing a great job. practice lots of self love and compassion, keep telling yourself you will be ok and that you are great. I have just listened to these and found them better than Brene!
    Part One:
    Part Two:

    love from Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s a nice comparison ‘plateau’. Hills, mountains and plateaus. I have the plateau mainly right before a major insight I don’t want to have to deal with yet. I could, just imagine, when reading your post, that realising that ‘old friends’ are not your thing anymore could be one of those?

    I was reading Veronica Valli’s book ‘Why you drink and how to stop’ on ‘spirituality’ today and her definition goes something like this: acting in line with your spirit, your inner voice. So if your spirit says; ‘feels bad’ then change it to something where your spirit says ‘feels good’. Like hanging out with the people that you can speak with. Lacking ‘spirituality’ or listening to or living in line with our self seems to be one of the traits of people with an addiction. I really like her definition of spirituality, cuts out the men with the beards telling me what to do. 😀

    PS: what about, same friends, doing different things on different times of the day? Like going to a museum in the morning and then have lunch?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Feeling, I think you’re right. I feel like I have less connection with some people, and I need to create more connection with those who I know are on the same page as me.
    In the meantime I’m just feeling a bit lost, a bit out at sea….
    Thanks for the comment 🙂


  4. These social situations are tough. I try to connect with my old, adolescent self. That girl who used to enjoy a good time out with friends without alcohol. I reach in for the part of myself that didn’t have booze because, well, it just wasn’t there. I lean on my spirit, which is full and no longer needs alcohol to experience joy. Okay, it’s not perfect. But that’s where I go in those times. It’s a work in progress, but it’s getting easier. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the advice 🙂 I think I’m going through a rough patch at the moment – my spirit isn’t full. Plus I’m an introvert, which makes me want to stay home all the time (which is actually not good for me!) so I’m fighting a losing battle to start with… How did I get so negative? I know that ‘dry drunk’ term is awful, like you said in your past, but I think it describes me quite well at the moment :/


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