An extended low

This horrible low feeling doesn’t seem to be shifting.

I feel fragile, and keep getting upset when the tiniest of things sets off a chain of associations in my mind, ending with some version of ‘I’m alone’. Something feels wrong and I don’t know what it is.

Try as I might, I can’t communicate any of this to my husband. His standard response is that I over-think things too much. Which may well be true, but in saying that, he is rejecting my feelings, which is also lonely. He asked me this morning if I had talked to my counsellor about what I was trying (and failing) to tell him. I said ‘yes, but I don’t live with her, I live with you!’

Maybe that’s the problem… I feel lonely because I have no-one who can really listen to how I feel? I have a need for deep connection with people, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea (as in, the vast majority of our mutual friends), and it takes time and effort to maintain.

Because I don’t have that connection at the moment, perhaps I’m looking to the wrong person for support. I would like Mr W to be able to provide that for me, but I know he’s not that sort of person. His way of thinking is so much lighter than mine. And anything darker and deeper than the day-to-day, well, he keeps it all hidden.

It worries me that we are like this – like polar opposites. I thought that once we were married, and we’d made that lifetime commitment, that we would try to understand each other and support each other. And after I stopped drinking to swerve an oncoming meltdown, we did for a while…

Why do I feel so alone?

Advertisement

3 thoughts on “An extended low”

  1. Hi. I feel for you, my extended low was a feeling of constantly wanting to end my life! now I have stopped the booze and practiced self care, luckily I don’t feel like this anymore. have you listened to the TaraBrach talks I linked to you the other day. It is about self validation and finding happiness.

    Part One: http://hwcdn.libsyn.com/p/a/1/3/a1332a5870c6d8da/2014-10-15-Pt1-Happiness-TaraBrach.mp3?c_id=7755343&expiration=1414221573&hwt=69f3fbc82420253e8331b5b25a908299
    Part Two: http://hwcdn.libsyn.com/p/c/7/4/c7448d99c319cc96/2014-10-22-Pt2-Happiness-TaraBrach.mp3?c_id=7777957&expiration=1414220822&hwt=c993e440a97e363d7f65987fd6a94c3d

    hugs from Lisa (stay positive and strong, you can do this)
    http://www.thecword-compassion.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have always been a thinker too, and my husband is more of a doer. He doesn’t want to hear all about my deep feeling or woes for too long. He will for awhile, but I always feel like he is just appeasing me. Now that I am sober, it seems exaggerated. I have so many more thoughts running through my head and feel so alone keeping them all to myself. I can so see where you are coming from. It’s probably why people go to AA. So, they can talk and share feeling with people who understand. I just don’t think AA is for me. So, I don’t know how and if it works for everyone? If you ever want to talk, you can email me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Dancing Your Way To Fertility

Had enough of hearing ‘no you are not pregnant?’ The information you need to beat infertility…a hand to hold on your hardest of days.

The IVF Survivor

Staying sane and hopeful after long term IVF and loss

Lovin · Life · Fully

Finding the everyday joys in God's creative plan for us

infertile me.

Infertility: The journey, emotions and ramblings

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

A life without peas

An IVF journey

The Unplanned Plan

Documenting this crazy IVF journey

Southern Fried Ovaries

The story of a Mississippi couple trying to conceive

The Stickles

Tales of marriage, twins, infertility, and other everday hilarity

The IVF Piggy Bank

Test Tube Trials and In Vitro Victories

Helping the Stork

One couple's journey of high AMH and PCOS

Are We There Yet

a nerd girl's infertility journey

the MIRACLE of the MUNDANE

LIVING LIFE. FINDING MEANING.

then i look up at the sky...

coffee, wine, and infertility. just a little blog about my life

The Thin Place

The Thin Place, Where We Experience the Sufficiency of Grace

Different Shores

Observations about middle-aged life without kids

Hope.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. -Exodus 14:14

Our~Fertility~Fight

Our everlasting journey

Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing

Navigating my thirties is not what I thought it would be

Waiting for Baby Bird Ministries

infertility, miscarriage and pregnancy loss

infertilitywhymeblog

Living with Premature Ovary Failure in my 30s

Finding My Freedom

getting rid of the booze...

The Everyday Addict

Hi! I’m Ashley and I am just your average everyday addict! Recovery is a new adventure that is hard, but it CAN also be fun and exciting! I created this blog to share my experience with addiction, my perspective as a youth in recovery, and the joys of my recovery. Clean & sober since 10/27/2008!

%d bloggers like this: