An extended low

This horrible low feeling doesn’t seem to be shifting.

I feel fragile, and keep getting upset when the tiniest of things sets off a chain of associations in my mind, ending with some version of ‘I’m alone’. Something feels wrong and I don’t know what it is.

Try as I might, I can’t communicate any of this to my husband. His standard response is that I over-think things too much. Which may well be true, but in saying that, he is rejecting my feelings, which is also lonely. He asked me this morning if I had talked to my counsellor about what I was trying (and failing) to tell him. I said ‘yes, but I don’t live with her, I live with you!’

Maybe that’s the problem… I feel lonely because I have no-one who can really listen to how I feel? I have a need for deep connection with people, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea (as in, the vast majority of our mutual friends), and it takes time and effort to maintain.

Because I don’t have that connection at the moment, perhaps I’m looking to the wrong person for support. I would like Mr W to be able to provide that for me, but I know he’s not that sort of person. His way of thinking is so much lighter than mine. And anything darker and deeper than the day-to-day, well, he keeps it all hidden.

It worries me that we are like this – like polar opposites. I thought that once we were married, and we’d made that lifetime commitment, that we would try to understand each other and support each other. And after I stopped drinking to swerve an oncoming meltdown, we did for a while…

Why do I feel so alone?


3 thoughts on “An extended low”

  1. Hi. I feel for you, my extended low was a feeling of constantly wanting to end my life! now I have stopped the booze and practiced self care, luckily I don’t feel like this anymore. have you listened to the TaraBrach talks I linked to you the other day. It is about self validation and finding happiness.

    Part One:
    Part Two:

    hugs from Lisa (stay positive and strong, you can do this)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have always been a thinker too, and my husband is more of a doer. He doesn’t want to hear all about my deep feeling or woes for too long. He will for awhile, but I always feel like he is just appeasing me. Now that I am sober, it seems exaggerated. I have so many more thoughts running through my head and feel so alone keeping them all to myself. I can so see where you are coming from. It’s probably why people go to AA. So, they can talk and share feeling with people who understand. I just don’t think AA is for me. So, I don’t know how and if it works for everyone? If you ever want to talk, you can email me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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