Too much thinking

Well, I survived the festive season, and everything has calmed down now. I’m still sober, despite questioning the point of it last week. I wouldn’t seriously have drunk again for no apparent reason, but I was/am disappointed in how I feel. I had expected to have lots of energy around about now, be achieving all manner of wonderful things, and have lots of friends. None of that, however, appears to be the case.

But I’ve been doing what I’ve always been doing (aside from the drinking part, which I’m not doing!) So I guess I’m getting what I’ve always been getting. Although that’s not strictly true – I am more motivated to use my cross trainer, eat healthily and have a green juice once a day. I can’t really tell whether that’s helping or not, but I plan to stick with it for a while and see if I feel the benefits.

I find I’m tending to isolate because I don’t really want to participate in any more booze-related social outings. And I have a problem with shyness so very new social situations rarely even enter my head as a possibility. The result being that I’m often left alone with my thoughts.

One thing that did cross my mind when I was in the shower earlier (and you can all probably see this a mile off!) Is that I spend far too much time thinking negative thoughts. Feeling my way back into life and losing and healing have both written posts recently about the negative feelings that can come up at random, the negative self-talk, in some cases. ( I’ll put the links in later).

I was talking to my husband about it a few days ago. I was obviously deep in thought, and has asked me what was up. I said my brain just goes round and round and I worry and worry.  He said ‘I know! I can practically hear the cogs turning!’. Then I said ‘I think maybe that’s why I drank- to make it stop’ and burst into tears….

Since then, he suggested that I consciously try to focus on thinking positive things. Which I haven’t done. But just now, something in amongst all of this thinking and worrying did stand out – I realized that I give myself too much of a hard time comparing myself to others. I mean, I did have some very clear moments last year of wanting to really be me, and knowing that sobriety is the best way to achieve that. But I really don’t make it easy for myself when I look at other peoples lives and berate myself because mine doesn’t look anything like theirs. And that can’t be any good for the shame issues I’ve got going on, either….

Sometimes I feel like my mind could be my greatest asset, yet it’s much more likely to be my worst enemy!!

Does anyone else have a brain that wears them out with this sort of stuff on a regular basis, or is it just me??!!!


6 thoughts on “Too much thinking”

  1. My brain is the same!! The wheels are always turning and I overthink EVERYTHING. Since I went sober I began daily exercise. When I am exercising I am always thinking positive thoughts. It’s when I’m alone in silence that it begins….then I decide to stary reading blogs or text my sober pen pal, which helps too ❤️


    1. Yes Ive heard that before – don’t be alone in your own head. I used to like it, but obviously it needs to stop if my thoughts veer off to negativity all the time. I’ll stick with the workouts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is not just you. My brain is exactly the same.
    I was never adequate for my own thoughts. I needed to do more, different,y, better. Say something wittier. Be smarter.
    Do do do. Never to par.

    Im sure it was why i drank. Partly. And then drinking fed the self destructive thoughts and just made them louder.

    My first few months sober were hard. Glad to not be drinking, but full of paranoia and anxiety. Anger and hysteria.
    Then i slid into a deep depression.

    With the help of a good therapist and an antidepressant i climbed out and realized i had been depressed for a long time. That was the basis for the self criticism.
    And i had severe anxiety my whole life that i have ignored.

    A year later i love myself and my life. Yoga keeps me balanced. I can acknowledge and appreciate my acievements.

    Getting sober opens the door to helping ourselves.

    Sorry this is so long! Lol


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t apologise, what you say makes so much sense and feels so much like my own experience. Anxiety and then depression, and then eventually using alcohol to switch off all of that chatter in my head…which then of course made it worse!

      I’m so glad I have managed to break the self destructive cycle, but now I need to find a new, healthy way to cope with the anxiety. And you have found that for yourself. Its so good to know that its possible! Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Ah yes, Im the same way! Its hard work to change those thought patterns but it is possible. I participate in the Women For Sobriety program, which is all about changing your thinking to stay sober. I fin it helpful to read their statements in the morning to creat positive intentions for the day.
    Do you listen to podcasts? Tara Brach is a MUST for mindfulness and positive self talk. You should check it out. She is wonderful!!


    1. Thanks, yes I’ll check out the Women For Sobriety statements. I have listened to Tara Brach and I love her stuff, I just find it hard to fit everything in sometimes! But I’m realising fast that I need to make the time….and then consciously apply the ideas afterwards. It wont happen by osmosis, unfortunately 😉


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