Split personality

According to my day counter I’m at 223 days. I am as changeable as the weather. One minute, quitting sugar seems like a good idea, but I’ve just stuffed my face with profiteroles. I feel generally low, but this afternoon I was suddenly moved to clean the house. It makes such a difference when everywhere is clean and fresh. Perhaps I need my insides to be clean and fresh, too (see quitting sugar!). I enjoyed seeing my friend yesterday but it hurt because her baby is now 3 months old. Seeing her so much more awake and aware made me want my own even more. But I have plans formulating in my mind. I have moments of joy in the midst of disappointment in myself.

I read Belle’s Month Seven again (must find Month Eight), and I recognised a sense of stripping back and then re-assembling. I can see the next few weeks and months ahead of me and I know what I need to do and when. We have some goals: Convert the loft into a bedroom and replace the windows at the front of the house. Go to Paris for two or three nights. Buy a new (used) car. Find a fertility hospital where Mr W will go for the reversal operation. If I can just keep hold of a normal amount of perspective, life is full of possibility 🙂

Wolfie has been sniffing around though, for the first time in AGES. I think he can sense my flip-flopping from negative to positive and back, and he’s trying to find a way in. I haven’t been posting as much on here either, or writing in a journal of any sort. The sober supports need ramping up, obviously. I could even email Belle and ask her for any tips on sightseeing in Paris whilst I’m at it!

Advertisement

5 thoughts on “Split personality”

  1. don’t let Wolfie in! Im a similar time frame to you and scared to death if I let him in, I may never get rid of him again. Hold tight, and fight for what you have worked so hard to achieve
    Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will not let him in! But it does worry me that I’ve thought about drinking lately, much, much more than I have for months. I think I’m on the verge of some kind of ‘success’? if I can just hang in there…and I reckon Wolfie knows it, and he wants to bring me down!
      Thanks, Lisa 🙂

      Like

  2. Wolfie is a sly one. He likes us when we are up. When life seems easy and hopefully. He would love to convince you a
    Cool would add to that feeling. But we know it just drowns it all and ruins it.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Dancing Your Way To Fertility

Had enough of hearing ‘no you are not pregnant?’ The information you need to beat infertility…a hand to hold on your hardest of days.

The IVF Survivor

Staying sane and hopeful after long term IVF and loss

Lovin · Life · Fully

Finding the everyday joys in God's creative plan for us

infertile me.

Infertility: The journey, emotions and ramblings

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

A life without peas

An IVF journey

The Unplanned Plan

Documenting this crazy IVF journey

Southern Fried Ovaries

The story of a Mississippi couple trying to conceive

The Stickles

Tales of marriage, twins, infertility, and other everday hilarity

The IVF Piggy Bank

Test Tube Trials and In Vitro Victories

Helping the Stork

One couple's journey of high AMH and PCOS

Are We There Yet

a nerd girl's infertility journey

the MIRACLE of the MUNDANE

LIVING LIFE. FINDING MEANING.

then i look up at the sky...

coffee, wine, and infertility. just a little blog about my life

The Thin Place

The Thin Place, Where We Experience the Sufficiency of Grace

Different Shores

Observations about middle-aged life without kids

Hope.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. -Exodus 14:14

Our~Fertility~Fight

Our everlasting journey

Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing

Navigating my thirties is not what I thought it would be

Waiting for Baby Bird Ministries

infertility, miscarriage and pregnancy loss

infertilitywhymeblog

Living with Premature Ovary Failure in my 30s

Finding My Freedom

getting rid of the booze...

The Everyday Addict

Hi! I’m Ashley and I am just your average everyday addict! Recovery is a new adventure that is hard, but it CAN also be fun and exciting! I created this blog to share my experience with addiction, my perspective as a youth in recovery, and the joys of my recovery. Clean & sober since 10/27/2008!

%d bloggers like this: