Split personality

According to my day counter I’m at 223 days. I am as changeable as the weather. One minute, quitting sugar seems like a good idea, but I’ve just stuffed my face with profiteroles. I feel generally low, but this afternoon I was suddenly moved to clean the house. It makes such a difference when everywhere is clean and fresh. Perhaps I need my insides to be clean and fresh, too (see quitting sugar!). I enjoyed seeing my friend yesterday but it hurt because her baby is now 3 months old. Seeing her so much more awake and aware made me want my own even more. But I have plans formulating in my mind. I have moments of joy in the midst of disappointment in myself.

I read Belle’s Month Seven again (must find Month Eight), and I recognised a sense of stripping back and then re-assembling. I can see the next few weeks and months ahead of me and I know what I need to do and when. We have some goals: Convert the loft into a bedroom and replace the windows at the front of the house. Go to Paris for two or three nights. Buy a new (used) car. Find a fertility hospital where Mr W will go for the reversal operation. If I can just keep hold of a normal amount of perspective, life is full of possibility 🙂

Wolfie has been sniffing around though, for the first time in AGES. I think he can sense my flip-flopping from negative to positive and back, and he’s trying to find a way in. I haven’t been posting as much on here either, or writing in a journal of any sort. The sober supports need ramping up, obviously. I could even email Belle and ask her for any tips on sightseeing in Paris whilst I’m at it!

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5 thoughts on “Split personality”

  1. don’t let Wolfie in! Im a similar time frame to you and scared to death if I let him in, I may never get rid of him again. Hold tight, and fight for what you have worked so hard to achieve
    Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will not let him in! But it does worry me that I’ve thought about drinking lately, much, much more than I have for months. I think I’m on the verge of some kind of ‘success’? if I can just hang in there…and I reckon Wolfie knows it, and he wants to bring me down!
      Thanks, Lisa 🙂

      Like

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