I’m not doing very well. I mean, I’m past eight months and still going, but I feel horrendous.
I almost feel like on the outside, I must look fairly OK. But on the inside I’m screaming in despair. I have removed the booze, in order to improve my life, to set myself up for success, if you like, instead of failure, but I’m STILL unable to handle life, to create something I am proud of and happy with. It seems I still have a huge self destructive streak which is possibly even amplified without the wine. It certainly feels as though there IS something wrong with me if I can’t just get on with it like everyone else.
I have thought about drinking. Quite a lot. But its a strange sort of torture to even think about it because if I drank I would be throwing away all my sober time. So I don’t think I even can drink because I would feel even worse for giving up.
I don’t know what to do, I’m stuck but I’m also having to hang on for dear life…