No man’s land

Hi everyone 🙂
I thought I’d just drop a line or two… its been an odd few weeks since I last posted. I did decide to drink again. I’ve had a few evenings of wine with friends and/or my husband. One particular one, this Friday just gone, I drank too much and wasted the whole of the next day feeling crap. It so wasn’t worth it!

That little bit of escapism I was yearning for isn’t all its cracked up to be, I now realise. Yes, life is different without alcohol, my relationships changed. And whilst sober, I missed a part of myself in the end… that part that can be totally relaxed around others, and share in something that somehow only drinking alcohol can create. Maybe that’s me, maybe it was my fault. I wasn’t ‘doing it right’ in the first place. Who knows, but now I find myself in a strange no man’s land of not really liking drinking anymore, and yet without enough conviction to go sober. Yet….?

I could sense my husbands reaction to my drinking again – he was glad I was ‘back on the sauce’. Don’t get me wrong, he would never not be supportive of my sobriety, but he missed not having a glass of wine with me or a beer or whatever. I think that makes me slightly hesitant about completely stopping again, too. Would I be an inconvenience? A whole new cycle of ‘oh my god I have to do a social event sober’ anxiety attacks…. hmm.

Anyway, I could go on and on but it’s late, really late, and I’ve got work tomorrow. Only day two today and to be honest I’m not sure how to proceed. I just wanted to put down my thoughts about this weirdness I suppose.

I feel less weird now, definitely. Thanks 🙂 x