Climbing mountains

Hi all. I haven’t been able to write for a few days now, because I haven’t had the energy. Let me start the story from last week…

On Tuesday I went to see the GP with pains in my side. I was worried about appendicitis, and also slightly worried about looking like a hypochondriac. I left work at 9:30am, with a cheery ‘I won’t be long’. Famous last words. The GP was great – very thorough. He felt that as my pain score had gone down to a 2 or 3 over the course of the weekend, that it could be self-limiting appendicitis – I assumed this meant that my body had a handle on any infection that was present – and he was deliberating whether or not to take a ‘wait and see’ approach. But I saw his mind change, and he reached for the phone to call a surgeon at hospital. Typing the letter of referral as he spoke, he then handed it to me and said they were expecting me. ‘When do I need to go there’ I asked, innocently… ‘This morning’, he said.

So I called work, again saying that I wasn’t expecting to be long??!! Managed to catch my sister before she went off out for the day and set off with her up to the hospital. After much waiting around, I was sent for an ultrasound scan, which showed I have two large cysts – endometriomas – on my ovaries, one of which is huge. Perhaps a shade smaller than my fist. Bit of a shock, that was. So they took bloods, I stayed in for three nights and had an MRI scan (the noisiest thing in the world, and I spent five or ten minutes beforehand quizzing the nurse about hydrogen atoms, electrons and that terrifying magnetic field – would my fixed brace behind my bottom front teeth REALLY be OK in there???) – which also showed a fibroid in my uterus, and, what is most worrying me, thickening of the fallopian tubes. Oh, and the blood tests showed anaemia, too, which could be the reason I was tired all the time and feeling very low.

The good news is, I was able to come home fairly quickly, as again my pain score is low. It’s a lot to come to terms with (my MRI scan results said at the top of the page ‘A very complex picture’!) and I was very tearful over the weekend. The doctors can’t tell me what this has done to my fertility, plus we don’t get the results of Mr W’s test until a week today. So that will have some sort of bearing on what treatment I’ll have, I think. If his operation was unsuccessful, I think they will be more aggressive in removing everything, rather than just seeing if I can cope with the cysts as they are. I don’t know fully, it’s hard to have a proper conversation with the consultant when there are two other people stood there saying nothing, and on the other side of your curtain are five other patients, nurses, healthcare assistants, random people from pharmacy etc etc. I think that’s why I just sort of took it on the chin initially, and it was only when my Dad brought me home on the Friday evening, I was in the house alone when he’d gone and I just lost it.

But for the immediate future, I’m waiting for a biopsy of the fibroid (‘Just take some pain relief an hour before you come in’ – great!) and trying to…well what? I’m not trying to do anything because even the smallest thing feels like climbing a mountain. I wonder if, because I now know I’m anaemic, I’ve surrendered to it. Instead of feeling wiped out but carrying on anyway – I’ve stopped fighting it. I’m sleeping so deeply, both during the day and at night. And I’m taking iron tablets three times a day so hopefully they will start to make me feel better soon.

Another good thing is, I have absolutely no desire to drink. Alcohol is nowhere. Mind you, I’m not really thinking about much at all anyway – my brain can’t cope with very much at the moment. I feel rather blank. That’s it, I just need to press publish, because I’ve gone blank again. <sigh>

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