It’s time to try harder

So today is day one. It’s time I stopped caving in on day 5 or 6. This is more important, and deserves more than the half-hearted effort I have been making.

Even though I’ve essentially been moderating and only drinking at weekends, this pattern has begun to affect me, possibly as much as if I was having wine every night. I’ve noticed self-care routines get pushed to one side, and even if it is only for a couple of days, there is a definite knock-on effect for the rest of the week. And I am in serious need of self-care at the moment. I’ve read a few posts lately from longer term sober bloggers, and I realise I want to be there again. I know it brought more fears of not fitting in for me last time, but I don’t fit in anywhere at all now anyway. So that shouldn’t make a difference.

Along similar lines to not fitting in… It’s Mother’s day today. Mr W and I are going to his mum’s, then over to my sister’s with all of my family for food later on. It feels like it’s going to be a long day, and maybe a day of putting a brave face on everything. Again.

And when I get back to work tomorrow, I’m dreading the ‘how was your weekend?’ questions. Especially since Friday was a snow day, and especially since it is Mother’s day. I know people just want to make conversation, but I feel like my life is so nothing that I never have anything positive to say, and would rather just get on with keeping my brave face in tact, get on with work.

And then there are other peoples responses…after this weekend obviously they will be talking about what they have done with their kids. This ‘brave face’ is so hard to keep up. The thought of having to act normal around everyone both today and tomorrow is so tiring and it’s making me cry.

Half an hour later...

I’m sorry if this makes me sound bitter and depressed. I’m just finding it really hard at the moment. One day at a time might help me here… Even one hour at a time. I can get through it. I will.

Advertisement

2 thoughts on “It’s time to try harder”

  1. You can and you will.
    Yes, self care. Lots.
    I drank only on weekends for a long time. The week days I was so full of regret, self anger and empty promises to myself it crushed me.

    The drinking isn’t helping you. Without it you can find your way.
    Hugs
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Dancing Your Way To Fertility

Had enough of hearing ‘no you are not pregnant?’ The information you need to beat infertility…a hand to hold on your hardest of days.

The IVF Survivor

Staying sane and hopeful after long term IVF and loss

Lovin · Life · Fully

Finding the everyday joys in God's creative plan for us

infertile me.

Infertility: The journey, emotions and ramblings

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

A life without peas

An IVF journey

The Unplanned Plan

Documenting this crazy IVF journey

Southern Fried Ovaries

The story of a Mississippi couple trying to conceive

The Stickles

Tales of marriage, twins, infertility, and other everday hilarity

The IVF Piggy Bank

Test Tube Trials and In Vitro Victories

Helping the Stork

One couple's journey of high AMH and PCOS

Are We There Yet

a nerd girl's infertility journey

the MIRACLE of the MUNDANE

LIVING LIFE. FINDING MEANING.

then i look up at the sky...

coffee, wine, and infertility. just a little blog about my life

The Thin Place

The Thin Place, Where We Experience the Sufficiency of Grace

Different Shores

Observations about middle-aged life without kids

Hope.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. -Exodus 14:14

Our~Fertility~Fight

Our everlasting journey

Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing

Navigating my thirties is not what I thought it would be

Waiting for Baby Bird Ministries

infertility, miscarriage and pregnancy loss

infertilitywhymeblog

Living with Premature Ovary Failure in my 30s

Finding My Freedom

getting rid of the booze...

The Everyday Addict

Hi! I’m Ashley and I am just your average everyday addict! Recovery is a new adventure that is hard, but it CAN also be fun and exciting! I created this blog to share my experience with addiction, my perspective as a youth in recovery, and the joys of my recovery. Clean & sober since 10/27/2008!

%d bloggers like this: