I was right about the sleepless night! But I had a good day at work despite quite a lot of yawning and some more hot flushes just to keep me on my toes. Lab coat off, cardigan off, fan face with nearest available piece of paper/card/anything!! Then everything back on again when it’s passed.
My pre-op assessment was this afternoon, and I was fine with going alone until I realised I was soooo tired. Mr W said he would be unavailable, so I called my dad this morning to see if he was free. He had choir, but he said he could cancel. I didn’t want him to forego choir so I said I’d be ok. He suggested my sister as she was on day off, however, I know she hates one of the roundabouts on the way to the hospital, and will ordinarily go to great lengths to avoid it. But if that is your actual destination, you can’t really avoid it. So I said no, its OK, I’ll really be fine by myself. I know that seems a bit of an odd thing to decide, as my sister would have loved to help, I’m sure, BUT she also gets very stressed whilst driving, so had she offered, she would have had to tackle the roundabout I mentioned. And no doubt I would have felt very stressed as well. On ordinary days, when we’re just going out shopping etc, that wouldn’t be a problem, but I was already anxious – thinking of the surgery really, rather than the pre-op – so I knew I didn’t want to add to my anxiety. I was trying to keep everything as calm as possible.
As it happened, my husband’s day had changed because of the nature of one of his jobs, plus it was wet so he couldn’t do the roof work he had planned. Being home early, he was able to take me, thank goodness! Otherwise I think I would’ve needed a strong coffee and wound the window down to stay awake. And parking is a nightmare at that hospital, it takes ages of driving around to find a space, so if you’re on your own you have to plan time for that too, to still get to your appointment. So, great news all round!
I spoke to my mum just after all this, and she offered to come with me. She doesn’t drive, but just wanted to keep me company on the way! Which would have been really great, had I needed it. People really are there when you need them – I had four family members who all could have helped. I’m very grateful they are there for me – and I’m glad I did ask for help.
On day 4 being sober, I want to do whatever I can to make this last as long as I can, and something tells me that it’s not just how I cope when I’m really struggling on day 7 or 10 or 14 that matters. It’s going to be the little things I can do every day to look after myself, to stop myself from reaching the ‘can’t cope’ moments, that will make all the difference.
In fact, the last few months, I haven’t been doing any of those little things. And when I got to day 7, day 10 or day 14, the result was that I didn’t cope, I gave in and drank wine.
Ask for help, you won’t regret it 🙂