Fidgety but hopeful!

Today is day two of being sober. My last stretch was 35 days and then I flailed around a bit, feeling sorry for myself and thinking I couldn’t cope with sobriety and infertility, all at the same time.

I was wrong. I mean, it’s not even a valid argument for continuing to drink, because the two things aren’t remotely related to each other. Drinking is not a solution to the problems we face, and yet I can’t expect things to magically fall into place just because I’m sober.

Drinking isn’t particularly enjoyable in its own right, either. I sometimes forget that fact when life seems hard, sober. I have chosen to drink recently because I wanted it to provide that relaxation and escape from ordinary life. But it’s a myth, doesn’t work.

It’s not easy, even though I’ve realised this. During the witching hour yesterday and today, I was fidgety and wanted wine. Told my husband I wanted wine, when he was going to the shop to get beer. Then changed my mind because I want to actually do this, I want to be sober. He said he was only going to get NA beers anyway. We had an argument when he came back with one real beer and a pack of alcohol free. I’m finding it hard, but I need to understand that he doesn’t understand how hard it can be when someone is completely able to do something you can’t.  He’s just not wired that way.

After reading some blogs of long term sober people, I’ve kind of reassessed what the sober thing is all about, and how I can actively create a better sobriety than before. I mean, I did it before, but I just didn’t manage to stay stopped. I felt that I was somehow hanging on by my fingernails too much of the time, which I don’t want to do again. I want to make my life just, well, fit me better, if that makes sense? Be more of an expression of my best self, and be able to self soothe with something other than booze, when life gets tough.

I’m looking forward to what each new day will bring, and really looking forward to building up some good sober time. ☺


5 thoughts on “Fidgety but hopeful!”

  1. When I was en route to being sober I had a lot of missteps. One of the little things that I would use as a tool was to ask myself why I needed an emotional crutch. I was never really able to come up with a good answer. The other thing I did was tell myself it’s just for today, if I still feel like I need a drink I can have it tomorrow, but today I won’t give in. I’ve been sober for 16 years now and can tell you that at 48 I’m happier and healthier than I ever was in my 20s or early 30s. Keep strong for you. you are an important person and will be an inspiration for others as you share your story ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hope you’re hanging in there. I know it’s hard. I’m on day eight and I can’t believe how good I feel…yet I’m terrified of going back to that dark place again. I want to truly live, and the only way to do that is sober.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Dancing Your Way To Fertility

Had enough of hearing ‘no you are not pregnant?’ The information you need to beat infertility…a hand to hold on your hardest of days.

The IVF Survivor

Staying sane and hopeful after long term IVF and loss

Lovin · Life · Fully

Finding the everyday joys in God's creative plan for us

infertile me.

Infertility: The journey, emotions and ramblings

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

A life without peas

An IVF journey

The Unplanned Plan

Documenting this crazy IVF journey

Southern Fried Ovaries

The story of a Mississippi couple trying to conceive

The Stickles

Tales of marriage, twins, infertility, and other everday hilarity

The IVF Piggy Bank

Test Tube Trials and In Vitro Victories

Helping the Stork

One couple's journey of high AMH and PCOS

Are We There Yet

a nerd girl's infertility journey



then i look up at the sky...

coffee, wine, and infertility. just a little blog about my life

The Thin Place

The Thin Place, Where We Experience the Sufficiency of Grace

Different Shores

Observations about middle-aged life without kids


The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. -Exodus 14:14


Our everlasting journey

Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing

Navigating my thirties is not what I thought it would be

Waiting for Baby Bird Ministries

infertility, miscarriage and pregnancy loss


Living with Premature Ovary Failure in my 30s

Finding My Freedom

getting rid of the booze...

The Everyday Addict

Hi! I’m Ashley and I am just your average everyday addict! Recovery is a new adventure that is hard, but it CAN also be fun and exciting! I created this blog to share my experience with addiction, my perspective as a youth in recovery, and the joys of my recovery. Clean & sober since 10/27/2008!

%d bloggers like this: