I recently bumped into a friend from my previous job, who mentioned she would be signing up for ‘Sober in October’, a fundraising challenge in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support. She was a bit apprehensive, as she used to ‘enjoy her wine’ shall we say, as much as I did. She has since been moderating, but anyway, the point being that she said ‘well I have to do it now because I shared it on facebook’. Mmm, accountability!
I said I might as well join in, as I’m sort of doing it anyway – it coincides with my own 100 day sober challenge. I posted my intention on facebook – couldn’t sign up officially on the Macmillan website as they were having problems but I thought it was worth a status update anyway.
Now, I am not in the habit of posting on facebook 20 times a day. I assume people would prefer that I didn’t notify them of my every movement. So stuff I do post is what I would consider worthwhile. Like saying you’re going to do sober in October, plus I’ve successfully achieved 65 days already. I’m quite proud of myself. But nope. Not one response. Not one single person out of my eighty or so friends on this particular social media site even so much as ‘liked’ my revelation.
So this morning I decided to try again to sign up on the Macmillan website – maybe an official picture of my commitment might provoke more of a response. I want someone to tell me I’m doing well, God dammit! Posted again – complete with the Macmillan logo and everything. Still nothing. Got very upset/cross this afternoon because other people who were signing up got no end of encouragement – comments, likes etc.
I even texted my husband to ask him to please ‘like’ my status update because none of my friends give two hoots, and after TWO posts on the same subject, well it’s embarrassing to receive no response at all.
So he ‘liked’ them both, plus a completely unrelated update that I posted about a month ago. Great.
I did speak to my counsellor about it earlier, and she said people may not have seen it or whatever, basically said don’t worry about it. And I was fine then, but still no likes. But people have seen it, surely – they have been logged on, you can see it.
Why does no one care? I’m signing up for the charity thing too! I have 66 days already and I think it’s no small feat. No one cares! <wailing now>. How much of an insecure, desperate person does this make me sound!! I am rather appalled at myself to be honest, but it’s still there, that need for recognition.
I JUST WANT A GODDAMN LIKE!!! Is that too much to ask????
So for any more-newly-sober-than-I-am people out there… I’m pretty sure you will find this is good to know. If you feel like the spotlight is on the sober you, and it seems people will judge what you are doing and scrutinise your motives and make you feel uncomfortable, for the most part, I reckon people just don’t care.