I’m so tired today. I can’t believe how relentless it has been at work the last few weeks. I mean, I don’t work crazy hours or anything – I’m so grateful for that – but the pace is just ridiculous. Two weeks into the new term was all it took for me to feel behind with everything, and there’s just no catching up.
So last night I didn’t do much of anything. This morning it took me ages to get going, and husband and I went to pick up my new (used) car this afternoon. Rushed into town to get a birthday card, and then had a coffee before coming home. I sometimes feel like the only time we talk to each other properly is when we’re out having food or coffee or something. I was telling Mr W how the waiting for surgery has been getting me down again the last few days. I said I feel as though I might just want to give up on fertility treatment at this rate. He was great, he listened and said some nice things. When I finally do have my surgery though, I might feel a bit more energised in terms of being ready for IVF. It’s this suspended animation that’s killing me.
Getting the new car was weird. It was actually a bit upsetting to say goodbye to the old one, which I hadn’t expected. It will take some getting used to the new one, but I’m happy we’ve been able to afford it, it’s a great car. I went to see my sister when I got back, and my husband has gone to a 50th birthday party. I’m so glad he agreed to go without me because I just didn’t feel like facing a drinking event on day 13 sober.
However, the combination of feeling so tired and a bit down, but wanting to celebrate the new car, really made me want to go and get a bottle of wine and spend the evening drinking with my sister. It took ages to shake off that feeling. And even getting home to an empty house feels weird now. There’s stuff everywhere, like new car paperwork, laundry and general end-of-week stuff that hasn’t been sorted yet, and I feel a bit lost to be honest. I have no energy to organise myself. I won’t drink though. I’m going to have a bath, finish reading my book, and then maybe watch some TV. I don’t want to be starting at day one again, no matter how out of sorts I feel. It will pass, I’ll feel better tomorrow.
We’re planning to go to the beach and see Anthony Gormley’s men in the sand at Crosby tomorrow, a road trip in the new car. It’s my life, and it’s happening now! 🙂
Hope everyone out there is having a good weekend, whatever your personal battles. Keep fighting the good fight 🙂 x