panic in the wine aisle

I had thoughts of drinking today. The end of a hard week, and my mind was on the wine.

I went to the supermarket after work and felt mild panic (another oxymoron? I must stop doing that!) when I passed the wine. As if some might leap into my trolley and I might accidentally drink it. But it passed. I was OK. Bought the replacement drink instead 🙂

When I got home, I put the cold food away and then straightaway ran a bath. It felt so good. I started to read Brene Brown’s Gifts of Imperfection. So far, I really like it.

Logged on here and saw that I’m not on this week’s Friday Celebration Roundup on Belle’s blog. I was disappointed, but I haven’t been emailing every day like I should, so I guess she didn’t know what I was up to…

It doesn’t matter though – I know where I’m at (only just though – my counter app thingy doesn’t work properly!).

Some time in the next few days I’ll be meeting up with my best friend, which I’m feeling very apprehensive about. I worry about being unable to relate to her because she is heavily pregnant, and as I said, that doesn’t appear to feature for me, in my future.

So the worry is back! And that, together with thoughts of wine, is scary. I would hate so much to fail at this 100 day challenge, and beyond. It seemed so easy only a short time ago but not now.

I’m going to try to sleep as much as possible this weekend (I think I’m coming down with something), and read the Gifts of Imperfection. I obviously need some serious self-care to get me through this low.

Update: I emailed Belle, and she replied, saying she would add me to the list today! And she has!! I am Raspberry, and I have 54 days of sobriety! I can DO THIS! 😀


4 thoughts on “panic in the wine aisle”

  1. Keep reading. Think about what Brene is saying.
    Being true to yourself, allowing yourself to feel both the good and the bad, leads to unbelievable relief and freedom.

    Stay away from the wine. It is just numbing. Not solving problems.

    Go into the visit with your friend open minded. Bring her a copy of the book. Maybe it will give you some future conversation. Try to be happy for her. If it’s painful for you tell her. I’m sure she is concerned about how her life is going to change.

    You are doing great. Take care of yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much for the encouragement, A. I won’t drink, I will keep reading. I really want to drop all the fear and anxiety like a stone, like the heavy weight that it is.
    🙂 x


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