No man’s land

Hi everyone 🙂
I thought I’d just drop a line or two… its been an odd few weeks since I last posted. I did decide to drink again. I’ve had a few evenings of wine with friends and/or my husband. One particular one, this Friday just gone, I drank too much and wasted the whole of the next day feeling crap. It so wasn’t worth it!

That little bit of escapism I was yearning for isn’t all its cracked up to be, I now realise. Yes, life is different without alcohol, my relationships changed. And whilst sober, I missed a part of myself in the end… that part that can be totally relaxed around others, and share in something that somehow only drinking alcohol can create. Maybe that’s me, maybe it was my fault. I wasn’t ‘doing it right’ in the first place. Who knows, but now I find myself in a strange no man’s land of not really liking drinking anymore, and yet without enough conviction to go sober. Yet….?

I could sense my husbands reaction to my drinking again – he was glad I was ‘back on the sauce’. Don’t get me wrong, he would never not be supportive of my sobriety, but he missed not having a glass of wine with me or a beer or whatever. I think that makes me slightly hesitant about completely stopping again, too. Would I be an inconvenience? A whole new cycle of ‘oh my god I have to do a social event sober’ anxiety attacks…. hmm.

Anyway, I could go on and on but it’s late, really late, and I’ve got work tomorrow. Only day two today and to be honest I’m not sure how to proceed. I just wanted to put down my thoughts about this weirdness I suppose.

I feel less weird now, definitely. Thanks 🙂 x

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4 thoughts on “No man’s land”

  1. Good luck.
    Try to make decisions based on how you feel, not how you think others feel.
    Perhaps your husband finds it easier to not b the only drinker. I can only say that’s how we were, and eventually it became a joint problem.

    I wish you well. Trying to figure out this whole addiction/habit/health issue isn’t easy.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Hi I agree with Anne – there is a bit of working out to work through. My wife doesn’t drink at home and this year would have had about eight drinks at events etc in total. We have consciously moved away from spending time with what we call “heavy drinkers” and instead deliberately target cultivating relationships with people where alcohol is not center stage.
    Take it slow – its’ feeling your way around drinking vs non drinking and the benefit/loss analysis of drinking. I can honestly say I clung onto drinking as though it was everything that I lacked when it wasn’t really working for me. But that’s for you to find out for yourself. Take it slow and keep feeling your way around – you’re building momentum all the time.
    thanks,
    bren

    Liked by 3 people

  3. My hubs stopped drinking to support me.
    I do know it would be hard for me to stay sober if he was still drinking.
    It’s hard to be sure, especially when alcohol is all around us, and most people seem to drink.
    Do I miss it once in awhile? Yes.
    But all I know is, I am better off not drinking.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I just came across your recent post and this one, and I wanted to say hi. I went through something very similar to this last summer. I started to feel a bit weird and left out of my life somehow not drinking, and my husband had had an accident that involved surgery, and once he was well we just wanted to have a glass of wine together sometimes. The short version is that it was nice for a while and then it turned out to be too much and then I quit again. But I do think all these things are part of getting sober, or of figuring out how to get a handle on drinking however you end up doing that. Good luck to you as you work through this. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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