Well that was a big fail.
By Friday afternoon I’d been feeling sooo wound up and I didn’t really know why. Not necessarily because of quitting the wine, but other things, life related things. My husband had been reminded by a friend that he had promised we would all go out to a local karaoke night on the Friday. He’d forgotten all about it and booked loads of work in on the Saturday morning so we couldn’t go in the end. But his friend was all ‘mate, you’ve let the side down! ‘ etc, and I guess that’s understandable if someone is letting you down… but I was so annoyed by the whole thing… that Mr W had expected I would just tag along in the first place. And then I couldn’t stop thinking that any kind of social event with us is about drinking, and I was fed up to death of having to consider all of that any time I want to quit drinking.
Also, nothing seems to be right at home. With Mr W being so busy at work now -his job is seasonal, it gets crazy busy in the winter- it feels like I get even less help at home with the general everyday stuff. Not that he helps much anyway,I might add. And we’re still in disarray after the loft conversion – his work seemed to get busy right after his recovery from the operation.
so I was sat at work on Friday afternoon, after a day of running around whilst my colleague had been at the computer all day, thinking, mm, I fancy a glass of wine. The stupidity! Because then husband phoned and asked what we were doing for tea, and should we have some wine, and of course I said yes!
So I basically had a bottle of wine over Friday night and last night and I feel rubbish. Giving up so easily hasn’t been my style so far. Doing 100 days turned into 400 and I was pretty pleased with that. But for some reason, there was something that was making me so tightly wound, I just gave in, as if that would be the answer to all the problems. Now I’m annoyed with myself.
I’m also feeling a bit rubbish physically – the wine can’t have helped, for one thing- but on Thursday night, I was awake for about 3 hours with a pain in my right side, just by the hip bone. Now my stomach feels off, and I’m wondering about googling the symptoms of appendicitis. (Again! ).
I can start again today though. This can be another day one.
I’m going to meet my friend who had the baby this afternoon. Her partner has the day off so it means she can come by herself. I thought I’d better take the opportunity. I think she really needs a friend, she seems a bit lost. This seems to be the pattern of our friendship… I don’t feel supported by her (I feel she is insensitive regarding my fertility worries) but she needs me.
So I don’t know how it’s going to work out today, but I can give it a try I guess. Wish me luck.
God I feel awful. 😦